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Suddenly Southern: A Yankee's Guide to Living in Dixie, by Maureen Duffin-Ward
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Moving South? Feeling a little out of place? Craving pizza from home and faking a passion for sweet tea? Not generating much Southern hospitality? Wondering if you'll ever fit in?
Well, honey, here's your complete guide to living in Dixie, providing migrating Yanks with tips on living, eating, greeting, driving, walking, talking, and what food to bring to a funeral. From his 'n' her Southern Hair Dos (and Don'ts) to The A to Z Dixie Dictionary, Suddenly Southern includes everything you need to know about living south of the Mason-Dixon Line, including:
- Recipes that range from mint juleps and hoppin' john to recipes for disaster
- "Know Your Bugs by Their Mugs," a handy identification chart
- 10 ways to say, "Now that's ugly" in Dixie
- How to walk from the store to the car without dying, a Fun-in-the-Sun Survival Kit
- 100 Southern Things Worth the Trip
From Southern tailgate food (deviled eggs and cheese straws) to minding your BBQs, from pronouncing pecan to knowing when your cat's a true Southerner, from knowing when you're fittin' in to knowing when you're not, this is the ideal guide for anyone moving, planning a move, or just plain ol' interested in this fascinating American region. With this book on your shelf, they'll never be able to say "Yankee, go home" again.
- Sales Rank: #298635 in Books
- Published on: 2004-07-13
- Released on: 2004-07-13
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.25" h x .40" w x 5.50" l, .38 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 176 pages
Features
- Bugs,
- what to pack
- porch furniture
- foods
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Chapter 3: Easy for You to Say
You know that feeling you get when you first step on the tarmac in a foreign country? Part awe, part "What did I get myself into?" You get the same feeling when you move from north to south. You should have to clear customs. And in a manner of speaking, you do just that. At least there's no foreign language to master. But it helps to speak Southern to get along in the South. And all it takes is practice. Start by familiarizing yourself with the greetings.
Snappy Southern Greetings
Yankees don't take it personally when someone on the bus doesn't say hello to them. In fact, we prefer your silence. Southerners, on the other hand, make a living of being friendly and would never pass someone on the street without engaging him in conversation. These snappy Southern greetings may take a little getting used to:
"Ya'll ain't from around here, are ya?" (Like "Aloha," this is used interchangeably to say hello and good-bye.)
"Y'all ain't from around here, are ya?" is basically a rhetorical question. They know you ain't. Sometimes Southerners just want to have some fun with you. Pay attention to tone. This greeting can be hearty and playful or about as friendly as a doberman pinscher greeting you at the gate. You'll know it when you hear it.
"You sound like the Nanny!"
Brooklyn, Chicago, Philadelphia: These accents all sounds the same to Southerners. Before you go home and wash your mouth out with soap, remind yourself that The Nanny made millions on her bad accent. What's stopping you?
"You're from New York, aren't ya?"
This greeting is not about your accent; it's about your attitude. If you tend to speak without being spoken to or -- gasp -- skip the pleasantries and get right down to business, you're considered pushy, so probably a New Yorker. And your fifteen minutes of fame are up.
Southerners do have some greetings that don't nail down your place of birth.
"Hi, y'all." (pronounced with three syllables)
Politically correct, proper, and friendly, "hi, y'all" has it all. It's equally at home at a governor's ball and a pig pickin'.
"Hey." (pronounced with two syllables)
Even some Southerners find "hi y'all" a little too, well, Southern.
Yankees find it much easier to understand Southerners when they learn to listen to what is not being said. For Southerners, minding your manners trumps telling the truth. "Tell it like it is" is not a badge of honor down here. Since Southerners don't always mean what they say, and don't always say what they mean, beginning listeners tend to lose some things in the translation.
Top Ten Southern-Fried Expressions
1. Fuller than a tick on a ten-year-old dog (nice way to end a meal)
2. Hotter than a goat's butt in a pepper patch (so much more original than "Hot enough for ya?")
3. Too lazy to yell "sueee" in a pigpen (said of Yankees, employees, or sons-in-law)
4. Nervous as a pig in a packing plant
5. Like trying to nail jelly to the wall (something that's hard to do)
6. Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then (everybody gets lucky).
7. If she gets to heaven she'll ask to see the upstairs (there's no pleasing her).
8. He wouldn't go to a funeral unless he could be the corpse (he's conceited).
9. It's so hot, the trees are bribing the rain (I have no idea what this means).
10. Scarce as hen's teeth
Ten Ways to Say "Now That's Ugly" in Dixie
1. Uglier than homemade soup (alternate: uglier than homemade soap).
2. He's so ugly his mother had to borrow a baby to take to church.
3. Ugly as a mud fence in a rainstorm.
4. So ugly she'd run a dog off a meat wagon.
5. Give me a fly flapper, and I'll help you kill it.
6. Looks like she's been hit in the face with a bag full of nickels.
7. He's so ugly he has to slap himself to sleep.
8. She's so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.
9. He's so ugly they had to tie a pork chop around his neck so the dog would play with him.
10. He looks like something the cat drug in and the dog wouldn't eat.
Southern Parts of Speech
Traditional grammar teaches us eight parts of speech: nouns, verbs, pronouns, adjectives, adverbs, interjections, conjunctions, and prepositions. But Southerners would be lost without one more: palliatives. When Southerners want to contradict, take a shot at someone, or strongly disagree, they always open with a palliative or a piece of humble pie. Of course, their manner will stay soft and gentle, but when clause 1 starts with a maybe, clause 2 will always pack a punch.
- Am I wrong in thinking...(we should fire the whole staff)?
- I may be mistaken, but...(I think that's the worst hairdo I've ever seen).
- I'm not sure, but I believe...(these people against the president are uncivilized and anti-America).
- I should think...(anyone with even a basic understanding of history would know we actually won the war).
May I Help You?
Whether you're at the makeup counter or the home improvement store, you can expect service with a smile. No matter how bad the news. Southerners tend to smile broadest when they can't help you. When they don't have what you're looking for, the answer is "We surely don't," followed by a big smile. When you ask, "Do you know where I can get..." the answer more often than not is "I surely don't" followed by another giant grin.
The A to Z Guide for Building Your Vocabulary or, The Dixie Dictionary (Abridged)
All y'all Plural for you; All y'alls -- plural possessive
Usage We're awful sorry that all y'all are without power six days after the ice storm.
We're awful sorry that all y'alls electricity has been out for six weeks now.
(Approved by 90 percent of the Usage Panel; approved by only 3 percent of the people stuck without power)
Butterbeans, boiled peanuts, or buttermilk biscuits
Don't ask a Southerner to choose a favorite food that begins with b.
Usage Pass the b ___s, please.
Christian In addition to God-fearing, "Christian" is used to describe a person who abstains from alcohol.
Usage "Open bar? Why, no, dear. We're Christian." Also used in marketing to sell products. See the Yellow Pages for the Christian nearest you.
Dadgumit Socially acceptable expletive; "damn" in other languages.
Usage (Note: No need to watch your grammar when you're all fired up):
"Them Yankees is moving down here in droves, dadgumit."
Or if you're really steamed:
"Dadgum! Mama done ate the last dadgum jar of dadgum pear preserves, dadgumit."
Everwhichaway Hard to pinpoint location, may explain poor planning of the roads.
Usage "Oh, the Inner/Outer Beltline isn't north, south, east, or west, it goes everwhichaway." Or "I dropped a bag o' boiled peanuts, and they went everwhichaway."
Fixin' What you're going to do: derivative of fix -- what you're doing.
Usage "We're fixin' to come over in about twenty minutes." (If this is your builder speaking, he's lying. He's fixin' to leave town.)
Compare to fix:
"I'll fix dinner directly" (directly is a unit of time).
Combined Usage: "I'm fixin' to fix this here roof by tomorrow."
Grits World's eighth wonder. Ground corn meets religion when you see how much Southerners worship this mushy delicacy served 24/7. (Think Quaker Oatmeal on corn.)
Usage With butter at breakfast, with cheese at dinner, sliced and fried for leftovers
Hadn't ought Should not. Not to be confused with the multiple modal "might ought."
Usage "You hadn't ought to bother your sister like that." "You might ought give me a rest, dadgumit."
Ill A state of mild irritation for Southerners.
Usage "That Beverly Hillbillies reality show, it makes me right ill."
June bugs Giant, gross-looking beetles that bang against the screen door in the spring looking to come in.
Usage Damaging lawns and scaring adults. Getting one tangled in your hair is reason to "go to pieces."
Kudzu A.k.a. "the vine that ate the South," "mile-a-minute vine," "foot-a-night vine" -- you get the idea: It's green and it's out of control.
Usage Fry and eat (make a quiche), arts and crafts (make a basket), homeopathic meds (make a cure).
Laying up Loafing, doing nothing.
Usage "He's laying up till the big game on Saturday" (big game = college football).
Marshal Escort for the debutante at her ball.
Usage Two marshals per deb; marshal #1 gives his left arm, marshal #2 supports her left elbow for an easy glide into society.
Nabs Peanut butter crackers. The real Nabs (Nabisco's 1928 peanut sandwich packet) have been long gone, but don't tell that to the current generation of Southerners who insist they grew up on them. Southerners never forget their first Nab.
Usage Nabs and a Co'Cola (the small bottle, of course) perfect for a trip down memory lane: the snack reward at the end of tobacco row; in the brown-bag lunch Mama packed; while operating heavy machinery.
Ought Used instead of should, in combination with should, or paired with just about anything for emphasis, for example: shouldn't ought, might ought, ought to could. See "hadn't ought."
Usage "I ought to go now. I shouldn't ought to stay this late on a school night."
Pig Pickin' A whole pig is slow-roasted over an open pit, and guests gather round and serve themselves, that is, pick the pig. Now, there's a party! Add some sides -- coleslaw, hush puppies, baked beans, sweet tea, and banana pudding -- and Southerners are happy as a pig in, uh, pick.
Usage "The senator will be at Saturday's pig pickin' if he knows what's good for him."
Quilt As wit...
Most helpful customer reviews
76 of 86 people found the following review helpful.
So Maureen's still bitter, eh?...
By swvaguy
Ah Maureen, I see she's still got the venom flowing, bless her heart...
I remember Maureen well from her days in Raleigh, or H-E-double hockey sticks, as she liked to call it. She became semi-famous for her column criticizing everything southern after she had to move to Raleigh, NC because of her husband's job transfer. For a woman who prided herself on her hyphenated last name & feminist stance, I think it was a bitter pill to swallow.
Of course her editor loved all the responses that flowed in following virtually all of her columns, which were nearly always condescendingly critical of the South in general, and Raleigh in particular. Ms Maureen never bothered to look around with an un-jaundiced (is that a word?) eye long enough to attempt an embrace of her new environment. Need an example? She insisted on returning to Filthydelphia...ERR... Philadelphia to have her hair styled, since 'they just don't understand how to do it down here'.
I could go on providing background as to why this is only yet another condescending slam on all habits Southern pretending to be a 'gently humorous look at the South', but there's enough info provided here already as proof.
Need verification? What other book puts such a huge amount of its' content out for people to 'pre-read' before buying? No, this is like one of those sophomoric comedic movies targeted at the 15-25 yr old male audience, the ones where all the 'funny' stuff is contained in the trailers, you know? Only this targets the folks who live in the North and think everybody in the South either lives in a tar-paper shack or on a plantation.
Northerners who either have never visited the South or who think 'The Beverly Hillbillies' and 'The Dukes of Hazzard' represent Southerners accurately should love this book. No one else will. It's interesting that so many of Maureen's neighbors in North Raleigh found both Raleigh, and North Carolina to be wonderful places to live, and embraced the locals' customs and idiosyncracies. Maureen never bothered with that, instead voicing her complaints about the lack of availability of the regional foods of Philadelphia while disparaging the regional foods of central NC & criticizing people for being 'slow' and 'falsely gracious'. Based on Maureen's hypercritical style, I can perhaps understand why someone meeting her would feel 'forced' to act friendly.
Personally, I found it a waste of paper, and am disappointed any trees had to be sacrificed for her vindictiveness. I don't know if Maureen is happy back in Pa., but I do pity her for wasting the several years she spent in Raleigh and for not having the ability nor desire to objectively view anything outside of her personal cocoon.
67 of 78 people found the following review helpful.
Offensive
By Lauren
I find it interesting that the most rave reviews for this book come from those who are Northerners. As a Southerner, I was frankly offended by much of the content of the book. According to this book, we are all narrow-minded, arrogant hicks who don't know anything other than sports and BBQ. This book doesn't teach Northerners how to "survive" in the South, it teaches them how to assume hypocritical stereotypes that cause further misunderstanding and intolerance. I would encourage any Northerner who is planning on moving to the South (good choice) or just visiting to NOT listen to what this author has to say.
19 of 20 people found the following review helpful.
Should be titled "Suddenly Living in the South"...
By Zube
Oddly, Raleigh residents aren't really that upset about Maureen. She's so ridiculous that we couldn't really take her seriously. (Bless her heart....) Her columns were a source of great amusement for several years, though most of us would have gladly contributed to a fund to buy her a ticket back to Philly.
First. let me note that the title of the book (and her columns) should have been "Suddenly Living In The South," as she was NEVER a Southerner, in birth or spirit. She was always proud of her roots in Philly and very condescending towards true Southerners and all things Southern.
Second, and I say this with some authority, she is not a Yankee. I'm a Yankee...born in Connecticut and transplanted to Raleigh in 1979. (I married into a true Southern family in 1988 and, thanks to God, have become a semi-Southerner over the last 32 years.) As any true Yankee will tell you, you have to be from ABOVE New York City to be a real Yankee...Philly doesn't count, except to Southerners. New England is the only source of genuine Yankees. Unfortunately, most Southerners consider you to be a Yankee if you are from anywhere above the Mason-Dixon Line, which is the ONE Southern failing I've encountered in 32 years.
I have to give at least some credit to Maureen for picking out a few true Southern idiosyncracies, a bit of the vernacular, and some regional color. Unfortunately, she did not do this with any affection whatsoever for the region or the people. Every single column seemed to end with a statement along the lines of "...poor dumb rednecks. In Philly, we actually know the RIGHT and PROPER way to do this [say this]." She didn't want to come to the area, she obviously thought very little of the region and the people, and she made it clear that EVERYTHING is better in Philly.
Now, I can't speak for everyone in the Raleigh area, but I can generalize at least a little bit. Many of us don't think at all about Boston...too far off. New York is exotic, but we certainly understand that there are many exciting things to do there and that it is a cultural and social center. As far as Philly, we simply think of it as a steaming pile of you-know-what. Everyone from Philly seems to have a bad case of New York-envy. I've never met anyone from Philly (and I travel there quite a bit) who has anything positive to say about the South (or about NY for that matter).
So...read this book if you are a "Yankee" and want to learn a little bit about the South, but don't bother if you are a true Southerner. It will just seem like a compendium of condescending comments and not a small amount of bitterness at not having been born a Southerner (as everyone ought to wish to have been).
Y'all take care!
Added a mite later: I almost forgot...
"Hi, y'all!" is only two syllables. If you can't say "y'all" as one syllable, don't say it.
We don't ask if you're from New York because you're direct and to the point...we ask because you have an accent that's pretty darn obvious.
The Raleigh beltline doesn't go North, South, East, or West...it goes around the city. If you get on the Inner Beltline, you're going clockwise. Get on the Outer Beltline and you're going counter-clockwise. Is it really that difficult to understand?
I've never seen a pig-pickin' over an open pit. Might have been done some years ago, but we use a pig-cooker nowadays. Maureen obviously never actually went to one.
Cheese straws? Nope, not at a tailgate party. We might have picked up some corn sticks when we went by the barbecue place.
And NOBODY would ever talk about "BBQ" around here. It's "barbecue" and it's a noun. It's chopped pig with a vinegar (or, in the case of Western North Carolina, a tomato-based) sauce. We don't go out back and "barbecue" on the weekend. We cook out, or grill, some steaks, ribs, hot dogs, or hamburgers. If someone invites you over for barbecue, you're going to get some pig. "BBQ" is a cheap, non-Southern way of describing something else other than the almighty pig.
So, Maureen is still a bit mistaken...bless her heart.
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