Free PDF You Have to Say I'm Pretty, You're My Mother: How to Help Your Daughter Learn to Love Her Body and Herself, by Phyllis Cohen, Stephanie Pi
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You Have to Say I'm Pretty, You're My Mother: How to Help Your Daughter Learn to Love Her Body and Herself, by Phyllis Cohen, Stephanie Pi
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Award-winning journalist Stephanie Pierson has successfully helped her teenage daughter recover from an eating disorder. New York psychotherapist Phyllis Cohen has successfully treated body image issues of teenage girls for more than twenty-five years. The result of their collaboration is a groundbreaking, much-needed resource for mothers who are trying to help their daughters navigate the difficult years of adolescence.
Smart, straightforward, and accessible, You Have to Say I'm Pretty, You're My Mother is the first book to combine insightful thinking and hard-won wisdom with practical advice and clear answers on everything from issues as complex as the difference between disordered eating and eating disorders to those as topical as body piercing and promiscuity.
Teenage girls present their mothers with a unique set of challenges, especially where the issue of body image is concerned. The passage from childhood to adulthood is fraught with real perils for girls coming of age today; they are constantly bombarded with messages that no matter how they look, they are always falling short of some unrealistic physical ideal. In addition, they are told that they have to grow up emotionally and sexually, and do it fast. Just when a girl needs her mother's guidance the most, she is trying to separate from her mother and establish her own identity. So an innocent comment like "Isn't that skirt a little short?" can result in a storm of tears and slammed doors, effectively breaking off any communication and leaving both feeling equally alone and misunderstood.
In You Have to Say I'm Pretty, You're My Mother, Pierson and Cohen give you guidance, perspective, and hope. They'll show you how to listen to your daughter, and decode what she is really asking when she says, "Do I look particularly fat today?" They give you the real answers to the universal mother questions: "What do I do now?" and "What happened to the little girl who loved me?" They explain why every slammed door will eventually open and how to build a closer relationship.
There are sample dialogues, lists (funny and smart ones like the ten things you should never say to your daughter about sex, and just plain smart ones, like how to know if your daughter is at risk for an eating disorder), a chapter just for fathers (who are often every bit as inscrutable as their daughters), and a section of resources and reading for both parents and daughters. Picking up where Reviving Ophelia left off, this funny, wise, invaluable guide will give you the tools to help your daughter feel good about herself, body and soul.
- Sales Rank: #2411903 in Books
- Published on: 2003-05-01
- Released on: 2003-05-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.25" h x .90" w x 6.12" l, 1.06 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 272 pages
Amazon.com Review
A therapist and a mom have written a wise book for mothers of teenage girls who spend half of their time in front on a mirror and the other half fighting with them about what they see. The authors' fresh approach urges moms to "think of fat as an emotion." A daughter’s belly shirts, body critiques, and food quirks are the vocabulary to talk about what is really bothering her: she’s aware of who she isn’t (razor thin and model perfect), but hasn’t figured out who she is. Stephanie Pierson and Phyllis Cohen’s techniques for teaching body comfort are subtle and highly practical. For example, how to give your daughter a compliment, help her understand sexuality, distinguish between taking her body apart and knowing what looks best on her, and, on the lighter side, what to say if you never want her to talk to you again. The beauty of their approach is a two-way mirror, they also ask mothers to explore their own feelings about beauty and body. The book’s depth, humor, and guidance will attract many grateful readers. --Barbara Mackoff
From Publishers Weekly
Pierson, the mother of a teenage daughter whose "self-esteem was based on the circumference of her thighs," and Cohen, a psychotherapist specializing in adolescents, team up to write this encouraging and practical "road map" for mothers whose daughters struggle with body issues. They carefully outline how mothers and daughters can improve communication, and help mothers understand that their own feelings-about food, their bodies, sex, etc.-play the primary role in how daughters perceive these same things. In chapters covering the basics of body image, mother-daughter and father-daughter relationships, the "care and feeding" of adolescent girls, and sex, Pierson and Cohen show how girls use their bodies as the "vocabulary for their emotions" (when a girl says she feels fat, she's talking about her feelings, not her need to go on a diet); how proper boundaries are crucial; how statements that mean well can make things worse ("You'd be so much prettier if your hair wasn't in your eyes"); how daughters test fathers; how to encourage proper nutrition and recognize "disordered eating"; and how mothers can empower their daughters to explore their sexuality but still feel comfortable saying no. This is a caring, clearly-even simply-written volume that will undoubtedly help mothers understand the kinds of pressures their daughters feel, and enable them to face the tough adolescent years as allies rather than adversaries.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Review
Andrea Marks, M.D. Adolescent medicine specialist and coauthor of Healthy Teens, Body and Soul: A Parent's Complete Guide With humor and empathy, a mother (Stephanie Pierson) and a psychotherapist (Phyllis Cohen) write forthrightly to moms (and dads) about separation from and connection with adolescent daughters; how to model for and speak with them to preserve and foster their self-esteem.
Dr. Gail Saltz Psychoanalyst, The New York Psychoanalytic Institute, and mental health contributor to the Today show A clear, direct, yet humorous book on how to navigate the minefield of raising an adolescent daughter. Pierson, having lived through the pain of her own daughter's suffering an eating disorder, really understands the vulnerabilities of teenage girls and how parents need to be attuned to their struggles. And Cohen's expertise results in smart, specific advice.
Dr. Jana Klauer Research fellow, New York Obesity Research Institute, St. Luke's-Roosevelt Hospital A gifted writer and an insightful psychotherapist examine the developing image of teenage girls. What they capture will resonate with mothers (and daughters) everywhere. Their wise advice benefits us all.
Kate Burton Actress Offstage, my most important role is as a mother. I see how many challenges and hurdles our daughters face and am so relieved to have found a book that is so completely tuned in and so totally helpful. Everyone should read it.
Sheila Reindl, Ed.D. Psychologist, Harvard University, and author of Sensing the Self: Women's Recovery from Bulimia You Have to Say I'm Pretty, You're My Mother offers practical wisdom, clarity, hope, and plain talk to mothers (and fathers) concerned about how to help their daughters develop and sustain a healthy regard for themselves and their bodies. With grace and good humor, Pierson and Cohen show empathy and respect for mothers (and daughters); their appreciation for the complexities of mothering a daughter make this gem of a book particularly useful. I am grateful that it exists, and will recommend it to many a parent.
Renée Fleming Mother of two pre-teenage girls, and in her spare time, opera star We all know that girls are sorely troubled by body-related issues, and we may even understand why, but how many of us have a clue about how to handle the problem? What parent hasn't wondered when and how to intervene when a beloved child seems to be recklessly veering toward self-destructive and/or self-sabotaging behavior. This book fills the void. Keep it under your mattress -- I will!
Most helpful customer reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Wonderful resource for parents of daughters
By MyParenTime.com
Having once been a teenage girl, and now the mother of a little girl, I know that daughters strive deeply for their parents' approval. Everything a parent says to their daughter will affect her in one way or another. The book, "You Don't Have to Say I'm Pretty, You're My Mother," by Stephanie Pierson and Phyllis Cohen, CSW, describes for both parents how their responses directly affect their daughter's self and body image.
Some may think that the mother is the only one who has the job of making sure her daughter feels good about who she is and how she looks. After reading this book you'll understand that the father shares this responsibility. Every action, every reaction, and every spoken word parents say to their daughter, makes her who she is. Daughters seek approval from both parents, not just their mother.
Readers will learn what to say, what not to say, and how to say it. In addition, the books lists and discusses the potential problems that could arise during a daughter's teenage years.
MyParenTime.com highly recommends this book -- it's an easy way for parents to learn how to help their daughters develop a positive self and body image. What a wonderful resource for parents of daughters!
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Possibly more valuable for fathers than mothers
By Scott Blake
I recommend this book to any parent who has a teenage daughter. It's especially valuable to me as a father because it gives me the viewpoint of the mother and presents the side of the daughter. If you have a close relationship to a teenage girl and aren't one, don't pass up this book.
7 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Must read for Moms
By A Customer
This is a thoughtful and provocative book about mothering daughters. A must read for every woman with a teen age or pre-teen daughter, it lends insight into womanhood as well as the adolescent female experience and does this with a sense of humor and great warmth.
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